I’ve neglected this site a little bit of late, and the reason for that is I am currently contributing to an upcoming gaming magazine called Fusion. If anyone would like to pre-order the first issue, you can do so here. You should because it’s radical, and not many things are radical these days, apart from things that aren’t so radical in a good way, like terrorism and diets.
Anyway, I still haven’t had the chance to go and see Solo: A Star Wars Story yet, and not because The Last Jedi was a bit shit or because I wasn’t particularly interested in seeing Han’s backstory anyway. I did get excited at catching a glimpse of a young Lando in the trailer, and he looked fantastic being played by Donald Glover, so I do plan on going when I get a chance. Even if the movie is a load of crap though, I can rest easy knowing it probably won’t be the worst Han Solo ‘thing’ that’s ever been put out there. The thing I will be looking at today very well might be though.
“Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a massive fucking jet pack thing with a weird pincer stuck on the back of it, kid.” Said Han to Luke Skywalker. Only he didn’t say that, because Han never used a massive fucking jet pack thing with a weird pincer stuck on the back of it. But a little detail like that wasn’t going to stop the folks over at Kenner from making an action figure based on that idea.
Sold as a ‘Deluxe’ figure, the smuggler flight pack is quite obviously oversized, and looks like the most impractical thing that has ever been made by anyone, ever. I wonder if Kenner had moderate success with their Alien toyline, specifically the power loader than Ripley used to kill the Alien queen in the movie, and thought “Why not make something similar for Star Wars characters?” and the end result was a line of deluxe figures with oversized accessories that clip onto their back that just look ghastly. The line also included a Luke Skywalker with a ‘Desert Sport Skiff’, a ‘Crowd Control’ Stormtrooper and Boba Fett with a ‘Wing Blast Rocketpack and Overhead Cannon”, and they are all just terrible. The ’90s line didn’t get much love as it was due to the figures all being overly muscular, but when you take away the accessories that the characters actually use in the movies and then insert massive stupid backpacks that no-one ever would use, you’re going to have a real shitty action figure.
On the back of the figure is a ‘cargo claw’ a pincer-like device that you can open or close using a little twisty dial on the bottom. I’m not a fan of it, but I think I could tolerate it a little more if it folded up to make it more compact. It doesn’t, but it does allow Han to actually stand up, as he who would probably topple over under weight of the flight pack if the claw wasn’t there to support him.
The only thing I think I like about this figure is that it has two cannons that pop out and flip around when you turn another little twisty dial. It’s a little bit stiff, so really takes some effort for it to work but when it does, it looks pretty neat. But it’s still nowhere near as cool as Han’s usual, low-slung blaster pistol.
If you remove the smuggler pack altogether, you’re left with a Han Solo that looks like he’s wearing a life jacket or something.
Because he doesn’t come with his blaster pistol and the smuggler pack is just so ridiculous, I’m awarding this figure with the title of worst Han Solo thing ever. I paid £2.40 for it with £2.90 postage, and I’m certain it was £2.40 too much.
I would say I would review the other ‘Deluxe’ figures, but I really, really cannot be bothered. I feel genuinely hard done by that I’ve given this terrible toy as much attention as I have when it certainly doesn’t deserve it.
Hopefully I will return soon and will look at something more worthwhile than this piece of shit.