My girlfriend tolerates a lot of the shit that I buy. Our space is full of boxes of Mighty Max, Monster in my Pocket, Power Rangers etc, as well as a small library of video games I keep adding to, for consoles spanning the past forty years. But then very occasionally there are things I pick up that she just can’t seem to tolerate. Things like the Galactic Heroes Star Wars line.

Galactic Heroes is a toyline that began in 2002. It is essentially a series of action figures that cater towards the younger Star Wars fan with chunky figures that were usually sold in two-packs.

 

The series has evolved a little over the years but the cutesy deformed style of the figures is something that has remained, even with toys based on disappointments movies like The Last Jedi. I have acquired hundreds of these figures as they are usually very cheap to pick up, so to justify my  spending somewhat, I figured I should probably cover them on here. And what better way is there to start than by taking a look at one of the most iconic vehicles to grace the big screen over the past fifty years? Even if it doesn’t look too much like its big screen version…

 

 

It’s the Millennium Falcon! Of sorts. Like the figures in the series, elements of the Falcon have been greatly exaggerated whilst other parts have been minimized, resulting in a stylized wacky appearance. This version of the Falcon was originally based on its appearance in the Return of the Jedi so came equipped with Lando, Nein Numb and two Rebel Soldiers to pilot it. But there should only be two characters who can call themselves the true pilots of the Falcon, so I’ll be using them for most of this ‘review’.

 

 

In spite of the very strange look of the Falcon, I can’t help but feel that the designers of the toy took some inspiration from the design of the original Vintage Kenner Millennium.

 

Like the Kenner Falcon, this version features a cockpit that can fit a figure in, but I wouldn’t exactly say comfortably. Chewbacca fits on his own, and it can just about fit a couple of smaller sized figures in, but shutting the cockpit down can be a bit tricky. Unlike the original falcon, there is a small hallway from the rear of the ship to the cockpit, which I really appreciate. The original Falcon felt a little bit like a pickup truck. If Han and Chewie wanted to go and check on what was going on in the main compartment of the Falcon, they would have to stop, get out and go and have a look in the back. Now they can easily just walk down the little ramp into the main compartment.

On top of the Falcon sits a cannon. Pushing the red button will make two of the guns pop out and the other two pop in, making it look like they are actually firing. This is the reason I love Galactic Heroes. They are intended for small children, but there’s no way in hell that a small child would appreciate this shit like I do. Kids just want to chew on Stormtroopers or stick lightsabers up their nose. Not appreciate the subtle details like how a laser cannon fires in a manner similar to how it does onscreen.

 

 

The inside of the Falcon is small but it features most of the iconic things seen in the original movie (again, much like the original Kenner toy).

 

A holochess board sits at the back, with an opening ramp to the right. Much like the original Kenner Falcon, the ramp falls off the hinge if you so much as look at it too hard.

 

 

To the left is a grid floor which can be lifted up so that you can fit figures underneath. They still protrude out quite noticeably, and there’s no way that a Stormtrooper squad wouldn’t notice Han when they board the Falcon, but I’m not gonna bitch too much. This is such a small playset that it’s a marvel that they bothered to put in half the features that they did. Oh, in the center of the Falcon interior is a pipe/hose, which I think is meant to be a hydrospanner, mentioned in The Empire Strikes Back.

To add to the general awesomeness of the toy, it also makes noises when you push the buttons. I however have opted to not have batteries in it, as the last time I put batteries in a toy was the the Attack of the Clones Reek, and a couple of times I would be dozing off at night for it to suddenly make a growling noise almost causing me to evacuate my bowels in terror. Besides, I’m of the age now where noisy toys are of little interest to me. At worst they almost make me shit the bed in fright, and at best they are obnoxious and do my head in. But if you like noisy toys, then this is the cherry on the top.

Despite being a condensed version of the Falcon, it’s still large enough to hold all of the main characters who ride in the Falcon. Around 2008, there were a ton of toylines made by Hasbro that were in the scale of Galactic Heroes, and some from other toylines as well, so I’ve decided to create my own crew to pilot the Falcon and take on the might of the Empire. If Indiana Jones, Jason Voorhees, the tenth Doctor and a stripping Hulk can’t bring the Empire down a peg or two, nothing will.

 

 

So in conclusion, Millennium Falcon playsets are a lot of fun, even when deformed and cartoonish looking, and Galactic Heroes are awesome, even if your significant other says differently.