In life, very occasionally you might happen across something that you just couldn’t live without if you didn’t buy there and then. This happened when I stumbled across this.

 

 

I had something similar when I was a kid, it was an alien in an egg that you chucked in a jar of water and the egg would hatch and over the course of a few days, the alien inside would grow in size. I don’t remember that being ‘reusable’ though, which this proudly boasts it is.

Though he isn’t the most detailed and seems to be covered in little white bits, he is undoubtedly my new favourite thing. He has mislaid a shoe somehow which I can empathise with as I have lost many items of clothing and footwear over the years. The instructions aren’t hugely descriptive, as it doesn’t really say how long you have to keep him in water.

 

There is nothing here to suggest that the Zombie will not grow instantly, and as I dropped it in the water there was the smallest part of me that anticipated this to happen. It did not, but I was not deterred. All good things take time.

As I closed the lid on it, I really liked that it looked like some  organism frozen in a liquid stasis chamber like something from Resident Evil or Fallout.

 

 

Nothing seemed to happen for a couple of days and I was beginning to feel duped, until he started to float around like a stubborn turd that refused to flush. Still wasn’t exactly what I wanted from my zombie.

By the evening of day three, he had developed a love of break dancing and had mastered the headspin.

He had also grown marginally but nowhere near the 600% he was supposed to reach. By day four or five (I kinda lost track)  his arm looked like it was going to fall out of its socket which peeved me somewhat. I appreciate that this is the sort of thing that happens to zombies but I wanted a zombie that wasn’t missing an arm. I was however impressed that he had somehow become a lot more detailed looking since he had grown.

By day six the situation now looked like Professor Stephen Hawking had fallen out of his wheelchair and landed in my tub of water.

I don’t quite know how much longer I am supposed to wait for him to grow to the promise of the 600% larger size the packaging promised. He is definitely bigger, but  after reading 600% made me think of all sorts possibilities, ranging from how I would attain global domination to putting a life size zombie in someones bed whilst they slept. These dreams seem very unattainable now.

 

I guess the reality is if you get something that is really really fucking small and it grows 600% it is probably still going to be really small. I still can’t help but feel a tad disappointed.

My girlfriend seemed to have an equal measure of success with her zombie.

 

Hers was a mummy who’s arm fell off as we removed him from the tank. These undead really do have the bodily degradation thing down to a T.

I have decided to leave these in their tanks until October 31st, just on the off-chance a Halloween miracle will occur and they will be zapped with unholy lightning and grow to life-size proportions. But I won’t hold my breath.

Nostalgia is a funny thing, and your mind does kind of does make things seem better than they were all those years ago. But I am certain my Alien in an egg grew waaay bigger than this, and it didn’t fall apart when taken out of water. I will update if any more growth occurs!